My First Trip To The Funeral Home

Your first trip to the funeral home can be a daunting one because up to this point, usually there is no one there to guide the family as to what really to do next. That's what the funeral professional will hopefully do after you've visited them and decided which one to use - but until that point you may need assistance. That's what this blog is for.

I recently went with some family members to make arrangements out of state. Fortunately for them I was able to assist them to be at least a little more comfortable going to the funeral professional for the first time, but oftentimes that is not the case for most families. One of the first suggestions I told them was to basically gather your core group together (see Blog "I Just Lost A Loved One" April 2010) and call the funeral home to make an appointment. Making an appointment is necessary because you want to go at a time that is appropriate for everyone. There are other families that they must assist too, and other services to run, by having an appointment you will have a certain time that is alotted for you and your family.
Now when you go to the funeral home for the first time, this is generally an information gathering meeting. It is a time that the funeral home gets all of the preliminary information they need from you, as well as the time you will get information from the funeral home as to what is required of you. So please don't feel like you must go there with all of the required information, because up to this point you probably do not really know what they need from you. And, you want to listen carefully and let them inform you of what decisions you will need to make and what information you really need to bring. Many times a family may waste time attempting to make premature decisions, only because the funeral professional my add some information which would affect the decision that is made. For example, I know of an instance of a family deciding where and when a service would be held before consulting the funeral professional. They started notifying some other close relatives, but once they went to the funeral professional they found out that the location actually had another service at that same time. They had to either adjust their day to the following day, or change the location, and then re-notify all they had previously told of the changes.

The experience that the funeral professional has is one of the many benefits I see from them. As a family you want to take advantage of their expertise in the area and let their experiences help to make your experience as smooth as possible. You have enough to deal with considering the emotional aspect of a death.

So, this first visit should really be the passing of information from the family to the funeral home and vice versa. This information should be then used to make the forthcoming decisions by the family. Insurance policies and all of the legal paperwork is not really necessary to be brought to the initial meeting. Those papers and such can be brought in afterwards.
Additional suggestions for a family to consider before visiting the funeral home are encouraged to be posted as comments to this blog. If you have any questions, you may call me at (973) 744-7101

Picking a Funeral Home

The next step would be to pick which funeral home that your family would like to use. Once again, this should be a family decision so that everyone has a say in the matter. The choice of a funeral home can be based upon various factors. Sometimes the family has been accustomed to using a funeral home so they will automatically just go there. When the family is experiencing death up close for the first time, as was in my case, other factors are involved. A recommendation from a close family friend that has been through this experience may help, also getting advice from a religious advisor may also be helpful. Ultimately though the decision has to be made and you want to choose the right one for your family.

Some things to realize is that each funeral home is different and have different qualities. What you will want to do is determine what your family's needs are presently, not 5, 10 or 25 years ago, and make your decision based on that. Some funeral homes really cater to the family's needs - show compassion and concern for family members, other funeral parlors are technologically savvy and can offer the latest in technology to enhance the experience, and some are truly just run as a business (which can be both good and bad). I have found that funeral homes that are run as a business are more orderly and organized in their overall operations, yet they are not as personable as one may want during this bereavement time. So, it is your choice as to what you are really looking for from the funeral home, and will likely want to find one that is equally capable in all three, compassionate, technologically savvy and organized.

Our experience years ago was very positive. We didn't know much at all about the funeral experience, yet the funeral home we chose made it very easy on us and took care of just about all of the legwork. For the things we had to handle ourselves, they were able to guide us and point us in the right direction. So overall we didn't feel overwhelmed with the arrangements which is what a family doesn't want to feel in addition to all of the emotional pressures that are present after having just lost a loved one.

Since then, I've seen many funeral homes and their practices and can better appreciate everything that is done for the families.

I Just Lost A Loved One

Firstly, the intention of this blog is to help others who have just lost a loved on to deal with the amotional as well as business demands that come about.

My mom left this planet in 2000 and at first it really seemed surreal. It was not "all of a sudden" because she had been ill for a while, but you never really do get "prepared" for the actual loss of a loved one. The loss of a mother is special because she is the person who you came through, gave you birth, and basically took complete care of you when you were helpless as a child. You really go through all different levels of grief.

When you have just lost a loved one, there are several things that you need to do which I will begin to list here. Actually, I will take it step by step, because each one of these steps should be discussed and considered. If you have any questions or if I could help in any way contact me at (973) 337-2881, or email me at lovedone-blog@honoryou.com. Our website http://www.honoryou.com/ will also add some further information which may help during this time.

#1 Gather all the immediate family members that will be involved in the decision making of the final arrangements and begin making decisions together. Making decisions together is key because this will help to begin this entire process in an orderly, organized manner. Losing a loved one is a very emotional time for everyone involved, and the more minds that are working together will help to result in the most sound decisions. When there is not an organized decision process, what happens oftentimes is that a decision is made by someone, and then later on it is changed by other(s) family members because of various reasons. This leads to confusion and usually extra work and time spent on something that could have been avoided if there was unity in the decision that was made.

Now deciding who is involved in the decisions is another thing, but I have come to find a very simple process of determination which has proven to help many people. Those immediate family members, of appropriate age, who physically live with the loved one who is now gone would be involved, as well as any others who are going to be contributing financially to the obligations that will be due. These are the key people (core decision makers) that should be involved with the decisions. You may get advice from others, but the final decisions should usually only involve your core decision makers.

This is probably one the the best ways to start this entire process. Gathering the core decision makers together. Not only is this the best for the business side, but also for the emotional side. These people will help to provide comfort for each other just because they are making decisions together and supporting each other in this time of bereavement.

Since 2000, I have done several things that have really, really helped me to deal with her not being here with me. As I continue blogging, I will share the many ways that I have been able to deal with her not being here, and I will even share how I have made the best of what many consider the lowest points of their lives.

Once again, if you have any questions you may call me at (973) 337-2881, email lovedone-blog@honoryou.com or visit our website at http://www.honoryou.com/